The Ten Stages as we start on the course of study towards recovery, different parts of ourselves live at different healing moments.

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghmzCLSPJO8kJEUNSKQDJzyx_7L9ar206_Ciyp1esj3pKlQR3i2mMBBr71P2fGMHgoQ1nCqlHsUIyob-CVej2V5-bPRQl31kLEwiMvB91jDbMsOP1NIz45Qtx0nuqqDzfMdtaDRQvoU-h2/s1600/quotescover-JPG-72.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghmzCLSPJO8kJEUNSKQDJzyx_7L9ar206_Ciyp1esj3pKlQR3i2mMBBr71P2fGMHgoQ1nCqlHsUIyob-CVej2V5-bPRQl31kLEwiMvB91jDbMsOP1NIz45Qtx0nuqqDzfMdtaDRQvoU-h2/s320/quotescover-JPG-72.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">The Ten Stages as we start on the course of study towards recovery, different parts of ourselves live at different healing moments. Some parts of us can be amazingly healed and insightful, while others can remain buried and out of touch. Our different parts traverse the various paths to our recovery at their own speeds, seemingly independently – but ultimately connected to our core child within by our intuitive voice of truth.<br /><br />Firstly, we have to accept that our life’s recovery is a contest. This consists of the shadow of our grandiosity, acceptance of our inherited childhoods , dissociated happiness, and approval by our parents. These parts of us that are appearing to win this contest stop our journey before it has even begun. Here we deny our deepest traumas so intensely that we fool even ourselves into believing they never happened – and that we are already healed. It is for this reason that dissociation mimics recovery. Here we idealise the parents, which allows us full unconscious liberty to replicate the worst of our past in our present. Here we do not look beneath our surface, and if fate goes our way, we will never have to. We remain happily distant from the misery lurking in our child withins basement.<br /><br />Yet where parts of us lose the contest we evolve into the second stage: suffering. This is the stage of depression, failure, misery, and inertia. Here we wallow in seemingly purposeless pain. The silver lining around our cloud of parental idealsation has been stripped away, but the cloud remains intact. We still wish to be rescued by our parents and their replicated stand-ins, but we lack the requisite pain tolerance to be able to acknowledge the impossibility of this. Here we live in tortured ambivalence, and we spend out hours and days trying to get others to love us in the way our parents never could. Part of us wishes to devolve back into the seeming pleasure of grandiosity, but the healthier part recalls how cruelly that route already failed us.<br /><br />Those parts of us with the capacity to face our terrors enter the third stage: grieving. This is the stage of purposeful struggling. Here we unearth the truth of our past, which allows the eruption of the stinking cesspool of our buried traumas. Here we witness the horror lurking behind idealisation of the parents and we work to disassemble their lies. Our honest confidence leads us into the face of the hurricane, because our soul and its allies tell us that blue skies lie on the other side. Here we are humble, here we confront the truth of the worst of our parents, either in interaction with them or through whatever means will best help us integrate the truth, and through this our journey rages forward.<br /><br />With each demon we conquer we take a further step into the fourth stage: enlightenment. This is the stage of emotional integration, psychic balance, and inner peace. Here lie the deepest goals of mankind. All want to know truth, and the enlightened person achieves it – in all parts of himself that arrive in the final stage. Here we grow able to distinguish light from shadow and water from mirage. Here we nurture the evolution of our primitive sides instead of expressing them destructively. Here we devote the best of ourselves to healing. Here we no longer traumatise others in the very patterns in which we were traumatised, but instead replicate the best of ourselves – and generate beauty in the world around us. Here, having healed our wounds, we share freely of our gifts, because now our gifts are accessible.</span><br /> <div class="zemanta-related" style="clear: both; margin-top: 20px; overflow: hidden;"> <h4 class="zemanta-related-title"> Related articles</h4> <ul class="zemanta-article-ul zemanta-article-ul-image" style="margin: 0; overflow: hidden; padding: 0;"> <li class="zemanta-article-ul-li-image zemanta-article-ul-li" style="background: none; display: block; float: left; font-size: 11px; list-style: none; margin: 2px 10px 10px 2px; padding: 0; text-align: left; vertical-align: top; width: 84px;"><a href="http://frasertrevor.blogspot.com/2015/05/we-who-have-learned-to-self-reflect.html" style="border-radius: 2px; box-shadow: 0px 0px 4px #999; display: block; padding: 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><img src="//i.zemanta.com/340330575_80_80.jpg" style="border: 0; display: block; margin: 0; max-width: 100%; padding: 0; width: 80px;" /></a><a href="http://frasertrevor.blogspot.com/2015/05/we-who-have-learned-to-self-reflect.html" style="background-image: none; display: block; height: 83px; line-height: 12pt; overflow: hidden; padding: 5px 2px 0 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">We who have learned to self reflect should continue in our self reflections until we find a solution.</a></li> <li class="zemanta-article-ul-li-image zemanta-article-ul-li" style="background: none; display: block; float: left; font-size: 11px; list-style: none; margin: 2px 10px 10px 2px; padding: 0; text-align: left; vertical-align: top; width: 84px;"><a href="http://stagescommunity.blogspot.com/2015/04/honesty-is-channel-of-truth-between.html" style="border-radius: 2px; box-shadow: 0px 0px 4px #999; display: block; padding: 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><img src="//i.zemanta.com/noimg_16_80_80.jpg" style="border: 0; display: block; margin: 0; max-width: 100%; padding: 0; width: 80px;" /></a><a href="http://stagescommunity.blogspot.com/2015/04/honesty-is-channel-of-truth-between.html" style="background-image: none; display: block; height: 83px; 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The Ten Stages as we start on the course of study towards recovery, different parts of ourselves live at different healing moments.

The Ten Stages as we start on the course of study towards recovery, different parts of ourselves live at different healing moments. Some parts of us can be amazingly healed and insightful, while othe…

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No one is created addicted.

<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> </span></span><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqbdnjT0KiWspH7Bm6s4EwEHsolB6ijlTf6T0Mgs7RhAIB3ZdaEsBRqXeI5_h7PSel53dt2o_Zo7FCfWhqQiJ6qU8qF5Y6UHeMXm4yWCe8TMgXoZR_2wGQErwLfS2oN4e3m2sxZeK4VRMw/s1600/1381664_10150327697944981_1241009464_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqbdnjT0KiWspH7Bm6s4EwEHsolB6ijlTf6T0Mgs7RhAIB3ZdaEsBRqXeI5_h7PSel53dt2o_Zo7FCfWhqQiJ6qU8qF5Y6UHeMXm4yWCe8TMgXoZR_2wGQErwLfS2oN4e3m2sxZeK4VRMw/s320/1381664_10150327697944981_1241009464_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"></span></span></div> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> No one is created addicted. We begin life perfectly unscathed. Immature, yes. Underdeveloped, yes. Innocent and naïve, yes. At risk, yes. Uncoordinated and at times confused, yes. We say this because all of these things can also lead us, especially a child, to take imperfect care of himself or herself. But this has nothing to do with addiction, because:<br /><br />Un-addicted people have a natural instinct to make healthy decisions in the best interest of their true selves. They are only limited by their immaturity and the brokenness of their external world.</span></span><br /> <div class="zemanta-related" style="clear: both; margin-top: 20px; overflow: hidden;"> <h4 class="zemanta-related-title"> </h4> <ul class="zemanta-article-ul zemanta-article-ul-image" style="margin: 0; overflow: hidden; padding: 0;"> </ul> </div>

No one is created addicted.

No one is created addicted. We begin life perfectly unscathed. Immature, yes. Underdeveloped, yes. Innocent and naïve, yes. At risk, yes. Uncoordinated and at times confused, yes. We say this …

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Our whole lives we are constantly looking outside of ourselves for approval and to fit in.

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQaHLAENgHdyGh3fr1iEkkijwjeaTge1BZx4rJQaVqtUObTbxuk5kaKWABAUbhtXsrvaRODhePaJELcd13tea1Tf6w7UPnozAuG80gIdrPQTwhOqZpU9-yRwHkOyIJ7c2KNffERFzVutTa/s1600/dissadddisorder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="118" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQaHLAENgHdyGh3fr1iEkkijwjeaTge1BZx4rJQaVqtUObTbxuk5kaKWABAUbhtXsrvaRODhePaJELcd13tea1Tf6w7UPnozAuG80gIdrPQTwhOqZpU9-yRwHkOyIJ7c2KNffERFzVutTa/s320/dissadddisorder.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">Our whole lives we are constantly looking outside of ourselves for approval and to fit in. This happens first a child - when we adapt to meet our parents needs so that we can get approval.<br /><br />Then, as we get older, it could be a group of friends, or adapt to how we think our romantic partner thinks we should be - or the opposite - we rebel against how anyone thinks we should be and we stand out by not fitting in.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />No matter how we slice it, adapting ourselves to fitting in or being a rebel and standing out – all of these behaviors stem from our thoughts about what other people think. And living our lives from the perspective of what other people think creates massive pain in our lives. Because when we act based on what other people think, we are acting from the place of a deficit, that is - "I'm not enough, so I am going to change myself to be enough."<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />And this core thought has caused A LOT of pain in our lives.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />And this core thought has caused a lot of our pain in general.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The journey is that through feeling all of this pain, we come back to ourselves. And we stop identifying with what other people think we should be, or we stop rebelling against other people - and instead tune within and listen to whom we really are - at a heart and recovery level.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Each and every one of us - and that includes - YOU - is a unique child. We have a unique gift. We are great at something. And life comes into balance and our fullest expression begins to be realised when we align with our true nature that of the child within rather than being a part of the herd or rebelling against the herd.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The journey is within. When we listen to and act from that place - we are trendsetters - we are unique - we are special - and ain't no one else like us is made.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />And what's cool is when we start to belong to ourselves and express our child within - we put out a different frequency and, as a result, we start attracting and meeting others who are on that new wave length. And what's so cool is in doing so, we no longer need to chase people. When we belong to ourselves, we find who else we belong to.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The joy of living a Self -Approved life is revealed when we begin to allow ourselves to be ourselves - we accept ourselves as we are - we accept ourselves as perfectly imperfect and the inner conflict begins to die down. And our true nature emerges and The Ten Stages supports us in miraculous ways.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />How can you start to live a Self- Approved life today?</span><br /> <div class="zemanta-related" style="clear: both; margin-top: 20px; overflow: hidden;"> <h4 class="zemanta-related-title"> Related articles</h4> <ul class="zemanta-article-ul zemanta-article-ul-image" style="margin: 0; overflow: hidden; padding: 0;"> <li class="zemanta-article-ul-li-image zemanta-article-ul-li" style="background: none; display: block; float: left; font-size: 11px; list-style: none; margin: 2px 10px 10px 2px; padding: 0; text-align: left; vertical-align: top; width: 84px;"><a href="http://frasertrevor.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-ten-stages-is-simple-study-course.html" style="border-radius: 2px; box-shadow: 0px 0px 4px #999; display: block; padding: 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><img src="//i.zemanta.com/339560569_80_80.jpg" style="border: 0; display: block; margin: 0; max-width: 100%; padding: 0; width: 80px;" /></a><a href="http://frasertrevor.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-ten-stages-is-simple-study-course.html" style="background-image: none; display: block; height: 83px; line-height: 12pt; overflow: hidden; padding: 5px 2px 0 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">The Ten Stages is a simple study course.</a></li> <li class="zemanta-article-ul-li-image zemanta-article-ul-li" style="background: none; display: block; float: left; font-size: 11px; list-style: none; margin: 2px 10px 10px 2px; padding: 0; text-align: left; vertical-align: top; width: 84px;"><a href="http://recoverystages.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-stages-seeks-solution-that-moves-us.html" style="border-radius: 2px; box-shadow: 0px 0px 4px #999; display: block; padding: 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><img src="//i.zemanta.com/336853260_80_80.jpg" style="border: 0; display: block; margin: 0; max-width: 100%; padding: 0; width: 80px;" /></a><a href="http://recoverystages.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-stages-seeks-solution-that-moves-us.html" style="background-image: none; display: block; height: 83px; line-height: 12pt; overflow: hidden; padding: 5px 2px 0 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">The Stages seeks a solution that moves us beyond his or her "painful inner dialogue." and out into the clear blue waters of recovery.</a></li> <li class="zemanta-article-ul-li-image zemanta-article-ul-li" style="background: none; display: block; float: left; font-size: 11px; list-style: none; margin: 2px 10px 10px 2px; padding: 0; text-align: left; vertical-align: top; width: 84px;"><a href="http://galatictours.blogspot.com/2015/05/joining-ten-stages-study-starts.html" style="border-radius: 2px; box-shadow: 0px 0px 4px #999; display: block; padding: 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><img src="//i.zemanta.com/343780371_80_80.jpg" style="border: 0; display: block; margin: 0; max-width: 100%; padding: 0; width: 80px;" /></a><a href="http://galatictours.blogspot.com/2015/05/joining-ten-stages-study-starts.html" style="background-image: none; display: block; height: 83px; line-height: 12pt; overflow: hidden; padding: 5px 2px 0 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Joining The Ten Stages Study starts the emotional healing process</a></li> <li class="zemanta-article-ul-li-image zemanta-article-ul-li" style="background: none; display: block; float: left; font-size: 11px; list-style: none; margin: 2px 10px 10px 2px; padding: 0; text-align: left; vertical-align: top; width: 84px;"><a href="http://recoverystages.blogspot.com/2015/06/i-cant-think-properly-our-child-within.html" style="border-radius: 2px; box-shadow: 0px 0px 4px #999; display: block; padding: 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><img src="//i.zemanta.com/noimg_24_80_80.jpg" style="border: 0; display: block; margin: 0; max-width: 100%; padding: 0; width: 80px;" /></a><a href="http://recoverystages.blogspot.com/2015/06/i-cant-think-properly-our-child-within.html" style="background-image: none; display: block; height: 83px; line-height: 12pt; overflow: hidden; padding: 5px 2px 0 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">"I can't think properly" . Our Child Within describes its thought disorder from the inside.</a></li> <li class="zemanta-article-ul-li-image zemanta-article-ul-li" style="background: none; display: block; float: left; font-size: 11px; list-style: none; margin: 2px 10px 10px 2px; padding: 0; text-align: left; vertical-align: top; width: 84px;"><a href="http://stagesevents.blogspot.com/2015/04/this-very-simple-daily-intuition.html" style="border-radius: 2px; box-shadow: 0px 0px 4px #999; display: block; padding: 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><img src="//i.zemanta.com/336853365_80_80.jpg" style="border: 0; display: block; margin: 0; max-width: 100%; padding: 0; width: 80px;" /></a><a href="http://stagesevents.blogspot.com/2015/04/this-very-simple-daily-intuition.html" style="background-image: none; display: block; height: 83px; line-height: 12pt; overflow: hidden; padding: 5px 2px 0 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">This a very simple daily intuition practice, which will help you reach your inner true voice, you can to do it for 5 -16 minutes</a></li> <li class="zemanta-article-ul-li-image zemanta-article-ul-li" style="background: none; display: block; float: left; font-size: 11px; list-style: none; margin: 2px 10px 10px 2px; padding: 0; text-align: left; vertical-align: top; width: 84px;"><a href="http://stageforum.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-child-within-thats-is-interior.html" style="border-radius: 2px; box-shadow: 0px 0px 4px #999; display: block; padding: 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><img src="//i.zemanta.com/340768502_80_80.jpg" style="border: 0; display: block; margin: 0; max-width: 100%; padding: 0; width: 80px;" /></a><a href="http://stageforum.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-child-within-thats-is-interior.html" style="background-image: none; display: block; height: 83px; line-height: 12pt; overflow: hidden; padding: 5px 2px 0 2px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">The CHILD WITHIN thats is an interior voice accessing the exterior and is the only true voice of the child.The authentic intuition voice that lovingly guides your life.</a></li> </ul> </div>

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Our whole lives we are constantly looking outside of ourselves for approval and to fit in.

Our whole lives we are constantly looking outside of ourselves for approval and to fit in. This happens first a child - when we adapt to meet our parents needs so that we can get approval.Then, as we…

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The Self-Absorption Overlay We are all self-absorbed to at least some degree.

<br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOD0d7L5E9GCEg2NRcOz0P1hsg6pxTsQ5L8lXKrNqcRyY17lHVwKSNV5n97jaStFXpvPJa56YzaD2V-P5Qs-601LV4WFdjFhn0xwKAJgwP-GCiMEXXcBrSVyUzJqWe5-VdPGFazUQBz1kQ/s1600/dadissociation987.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOD0d7L5E9GCEg2NRcOz0P1hsg6pxTsQ5L8lXKrNqcRyY17lHVwKSNV5n97jaStFXpvPJa56YzaD2V-P5Qs-601LV4WFdjFhn0xwKAJgwP-GCiMEXXcBrSVyUzJqWe5-VdPGFazUQBz1kQ/s320/dadissociation987.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">The Self-Absorption Overlay We are all self-absorbed to at least some degree. Problems occur when we spends so much time focused on ourselves that it starts to negatively impact on our life. It can lead us into addiction, and interfere with our ability to build successful relationships. When we are always thinking about ourselves will suffer a lot more. Western culture encourages us to develop narcissistic tendencies because of focus on individuality. Self-absorption is far less common in eastern cultures where the focus is on the community.</span><br /> <span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><br /><br /> Self-absorption occurs when we become so preoccupied with ourselves that we lose touch with the outside world. We spend a significant amount of time thinking about ourselves, but some of us spend almost all our time trapped inside our own narrow concerns. We will become so caught up in our own thoughts and feelings that we ignore the thoughts and feelings of other people. <br /><br /><br /> Self-absorption overlay is being trapped inside a prison. It prevents us from getting the most out of our recovery.<br /><br />The more we become focused on our problems the more we will tend to suffer. Thinking about personal difficulties excessively is not beneficial in any way. When we become less self-absorbed tend to be a lot happier.<br /><br /> Self-absorption overlay is an unattractive character trait. It can be hard for us who are so focused on ourselves to make any sort of genuine friendships. It can also make it difficult for people to establish romantic relationships if they appear too needy.<br /><br />It can be really difficult for friends because feels like their own needs are always being ignored. When we are self-absorbed we do not really care about other people’s feelings and perspective. It is all me, me, me .<br />When we are over-layered with self-absorbed we become more prone to becoming addicted to alcohol or drugs. This obsession with self is one of the characteristics of the addiction.<br /><br /><br />When we have self absorption we have an overlaying feeling of being superior to everyone else. This manifests in us as an inability to recognise the feelings and emotions of other peopleWe have a deep seated need to exaggerate achievements, skills, or talents we may or may not possess.We will expect others to follow our plans.<br />We develop a deep seated need for constant attention and praise.<br />Our self esteem is fragile to non-existent. Our exterior personality is one of Grandiosity and self-importance.We have an inability to handle criticism.We become easily offended and hurt<br /><br />We Set goals that are far too high and becoming disappointed when they are not achieved becoming uncaring about the problems other people experience.Looking down on people who are considered inferior and consequently having inability to maintain relationships becoming jealousy of successful people.We spend inordinate amounts of time fanaticising about power and success<br /><br /><br />Substance dependents tend to be overly self-absorbed and this tendency usually continues into sobriety. It is suggested that it is this proneness to self-absorption that leads the individual into addiction in the first place. If we fail to reduce our level of self-absorption we may find it impossible to find real happiness in a life away from alcohol or drugs.<br /><br />There are different ways that we can combat self-obsession such as:<br /><br />Helping other people is probably the most effective way of reducing the obsession with self. By focusing on other people’s problems we are able to see beyond their own narrow concerns.<br /> Meditation may seem to be a selfish activity to those who have never practiced it but it is quite the opposite. Loving kindness meditation can greatly increase the amount of compassion that the individual feels for other people. Meditation techniques such as the ten stage courses are wonderful at moving us away from the obsession with self.<br /><br />We can train ourselves to think more about other people. It becomes a habit and eventually we will be more outwardly focused without even trying. Empathy is the ability to understand how the other person is feeling. It is possible to develop more empathy by just practicing it.Learning to listen is a vital skill us who wants to reduce our focus on self. This means being fully attentive when the other person is speaking. A good idea is to silently count to ten after the other person has stopped talking before giving a reply. Rejoicing in the success of stagers and others is also highly beneficial to rejoining our child within and brokering a new healthy environment.</span><br /> <div class="zemanta-related" style="clear: both; margin-top: 20px; overflow: hidden;"> <ul class="zemanta-article-ul zemanta-article-ul-image" style="margin: 0; overflow: hidden; padding: 0;"> </ul> </div>

The Self-Absorption Overlay We are all self-absorbed to at least some degree.

The Self-Absorption Overlay We are all self-absorbed to at least some degree. Problems occur when we spends so much time focused on ourselves that it starts to negatively impact on our life. It can l…

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